Every relationship is unique, the most common thing about all of them is that family problems are inevitable. It takes effort and desire on both sides to solve problems together, compromise, communicate and share feelings with each other for the purpose of finding a win-win solution. When both partners take effective steps towards each other they learn to deal with problems together.
However, things are rarely that easy. When a husband and wife fight, a lot of things can stand in the way of reaching a compromise: pride, selfishness, defensiveness, inability to listen and/or forgive, childhood issues etc. If the situation within your family isn’t getting any better and all the problems stay unsolved, you may want to ask yourself the following question: when do you need marriage counseling and what situation qualifies as ‘marriage emergency’? Take the quiz below to find out…
Do we need marriage counseling: QUIZ
You should think over marriage counseling carefully. If you have done your best to save the relationship with your souse but failed then couples counseling might be the only thing you need. Keep in mind that typically marriage counseling is something that couples turn to when they have tried everything they could and are almost facing a divorce.
The marriage counseling quiz below is not a substitute for a therapist or counselor. It will give you a general idea of whether to involve an expert or not.
- Does your spouse often upsets/makes you angry with their words or actions?
- You take certain effort to save your marriage/relationship, but all in vain. Does it make you give endlessly without getting anything in return?
- Do you notice that the subject of your constant fights often stays the same, and you find no constructive solution?
- Do any of you mention divorce during fights?
- Do you even fight over trifles?
- Do you choose your words carefully and walk on eggshells when speaking with your spouse (because you are afraid to be misunderstood or judged perhaps)? Even if it implies lying to them?
- Do you often have an impression that you’re sharing a house/an apartment with a roommate rather than a spouse?
- Do you get bored in marriage?
- Do you keep wishing for a change in your partner even if deep down you know they are unable to change in an instant and just for you?
- Do your own words or actions embarrass you when you’re with your spouse?
If you answered ‘yes’ to one or two quiz questions, most likely you can manage to sort out your problems without asking for professional help. Three to five positive answers to the questions above imply that you and your spouse need to talk and see marriage counselor together in the nearest future. Five or more yes-answers to the quiz questions say loud and clear: you have a problem you won’t solve on your own, you must see a good family counselor with or without your mate. If you want to save the relationship, that is.
Do we need couples and family counseling?
Counselor: What’s the problem?
Jane: There’s this huge space between us… and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don’t say to each other. What is that called?
Sounds familiar? If yes, we can only wish you a counselor who is good at pretending sensitivity. Sense of humour is perfect, but you don’t want to hear cynical jokes when your marriage is in jeopardy. Whether you need couples and family counseling or not is a tough question. But the fact that you’re asking it to yourself regularly can already signify your readiness to seek professional help.